How to stop feeling guilty all the time — Calm Blog (2024)

Personal GrowthMental Health

Written By Calm Editorial Team

How to stop feeling guilty all the time — Calm Blog (2)

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

Learn about the effects of guilt on your life and how to stop feeling guilty all the time. Plus, when guilt turns into a complex and how to deal.

Guilt is a common emotion that most people experience at some point in their lives. While we might associate guilt with feeling badly, it can be a healthy emotion that helps us to learn from our mistakes and make amends for our wrongdoing. With that said, when guilt becomes excessive or unwarranted, it can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and even depression.

What is guilt?

Guilt is a complicated emotion that can be challenging to understand and manage. It can arise from various situations, including making mistakes, hurting others, or failing to meet our own expectations.

Imagine you accidentally break your friend's favorite coffee cup. You might feel guilty about it, and that guilt might motivate you to apologize and replace the cup. This is a healthy example of guilt, as it helps you to take responsibility for your actions, even if it was an accident, and make things right.

However, guilt can become unhealthy when it persists beyond the point of learning and growth. For instance, if you continue to feel guilty about breaking the cup long after you've apologized and replaced it, this guilt might start to affect your self-esteem and relationship. This form of guilt, which can be referred to as toxic guilt, can be damaging, and also may lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and depression.

If you find yourself struggling with excessive guilt, consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide support and guidance as you work towards managing your guilt in a healthy way, especially if it’s one of the four forms of toxic guilt.

4 types of “toxic” guilt

  1. False guilt: False guilt is a form of toxic guilt that comes from inaccurate or distorted beliefs about your actions or responsibilities. For example, you might feel falsely guilty about situations that are beyond your control or events that weren’t your fault.

  2. Self-blame: Self-blame involves taking excessive responsibility for negative outcomes. Instead of recognizing that mistakes are a natural part of life, people with self-blame tend to focus solely on their own shortcomings and overlook external factors.

  3. Codependency: Codependency is a pattern of excessive reliance on others for approval and validation. This can lead to feelings of guilt when we fail to meet the expectations of others, even when those expectations are unrealistic or unhealthy.

  4. Repetition-compulsion: Repetition-compulsion is a pattern of repeating behaviors despite knowing that they’re harmful or unproductive. This can mean you repeatedly punish yourself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings.

What is a guilt complex?

A guilt complex is a pattern of excessive and persistent guilt that can significantly interfere with your life. It’s characterized by overwhelming feelings of guilt that often stem from past mistakes, perceived flaws, or unrealistic expectations. Guilt complexes can lead to a cycle of self-blame, shame, and anxiety. This cycle might show up in physical symptoms like crying, insomnia, muscle tension, and headaches.

The preoccupation with past mistakes can also lead to social isolation and having difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. You might avoid social situations or withdraw from close relationships due to a fear of disappointing others.

In severe cases, a guilt complex can lead to negative self-talk and self-destructive behaviors. Some people find themselves engaging in substance abuse, reckless behavior, or self-harm as a way to cope with their overwhelming guilt.

The following questions might help you to discover if you’re struggling with a guilt complex:

  • Do you feel guilty about things that are out of your control or events that weren’t your fault?

  • Do you find yourself dwelling on past mistakes, replaying them in your mind over and over again?

  • Do you feel excessively responsible for the actions of others?

  • Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others?

  • Do you feel constantly judged and criticized, even when there is no external criticism?

  • Do you engage in self-blame and self-criticism to the point of feeling worthless or inadequate?

  • Do you experience emotional distress, such as anxiety, depression, or shame, due to your guilt?

  • Do you avoid social situations or withdraw from close relationships due to your fear of making mistakes or disappointing others?

If you recognize yourself in these questions, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand the root causes of your guilt complex. They’ll help you develop healthy coping mechanisms, and support you as you work toward managing your guilt.

How to deal with guilt: 6 tips to stop feeling guilty all the time

Guilt doesn't have to control your life. By understanding guilt, recognizing guilt complexes, and implementing these tips, you can take back control of your emotions and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling life.

1. Acknowledge your feelings of guilt

The first step to dealing with guilt is to recognize and acknowledge its presence. Trying to ignore or suppress your guilt will only make it more intense. Instead, take some time to reflect on your feelings and identify what's causing your guilt.

💙 Take 2 minutes to practice this Emotions Check-in to better understand, and find ease around, how you feel right now.

2. Cultivate self-compassion

Everyone makes mistakes, so be kind to yourself and forgive yourself when something goes wrong. When you feel guilty, it's easy to fall into patterns of negative self-talk, reinforcing your feelings of shame and inadequacy. Instead, challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more compassionate and realistic self-talk.

💙 Learn how to actively extend kindness and compassion toward yourself with this mindfulness-based Radical Self-Compassion exercise with Tara Brach.

3. Practice self-forgiveness

Forgiving yourself for mistakes or shortcomings is a crucial step in managing guilt. It doesn't mean condoning your actions or forgetting about them, but it does mean letting go of the guilt and self-criticism that are weighing you down. You can't change what happened, so it's best to focus on the present and move forward to the future.

💙 Give yourself a break with this 10-minute session on Self-Forgiveness for a simple, yet powerful, reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and self-forgiveness is essential for your wellbeing.

4. Learn from your mistakes

Mistakes are a part of life. When we make a mistake, the best thing we can do is learn from it with self-compassion and move on. Making mistakes does not make you a bad person, nor is it a reason to punish yourself. Accept that you will make mistakes and look at them as opportunities for growth.

5. Make amends when possible

If you've caused harm to someone, taking responsibility and making amends may help alleviate your guilt. This could involve apologizing, fixing a problem, or simply making an effort to improve your relationship with the person you've hurt.

💙 Explore how to take responsibility and make amends in your relationships with this Mending Hearts meditation.

6. Seek professional help if needed

If you're struggling to manage guilt on your own, seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and effective strategies to address your guilt and improve your overall wellbeing.

How to stop feeling guilty FAQs

How do you get rid of feelings of guilt?

Getting rid of feelings of guilt requires a combination of self-reflection, self-compassion, and taking responsibility for your actions.

  • Make amends when necessary

  • Practice self-forgiveness

  • Be open about your feelings

  • Practice self-compassion

  • Stop negative self-talk

  • Seek professional help

Why do I feel guilty so easily?

There are a number of reasons why people may feel guilty easily.

  • Low self-esteem

  • Perfectionism

  • A history of abuse or neglect

  • Mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression

How do you stop feeling guilty when you've done nothing wrong?

It can be difficult to stop feeling guilty when you've done nothing wrong. However, it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for the feelings of others. If someone else is making you feel guilty, it is vital to set boundaries to protect your own emotional wellbeing.

What is guilt-OCD?

Guilt obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a form of OCD in which people have intrusive thoughts and urges related to guilt. These thoughts and urges can cause significant distress and anxiety. If you think you may have guilt-OCD, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your OCD and find ways to cope.

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RegularlySometimesRarelyNever

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guilt

Calm Editorial Team

How to stop feeling guilty all the time — Calm Blog (2024)

FAQs

How to stop feeling guilty all the time — Calm Blog? ›

Mindfulness and rest practices: Engage in mindfulness exercises like yoga and meditation or anything that works for you. These activities not only offer a respite for the mind but also teach it to be at peace with stillness, reducing guilt over time.

How do I stop feeling guilty for relaxing? ›

Mindfulness and rest practices: Engage in mindfulness exercises like yoga and meditation or anything that works for you. These activities not only offer a respite for the mind but also teach it to be at peace with stillness, reducing guilt over time.

What organ does guilt affect? ›

Guilt can also affect the heart and blood vessels: Heart Disease: The stress associated with guilt can increase the risk of hypertension and heart disease. Altered Heart Rate: Guilt can lead to increased heart rate and blood pressure, putting additional strain on the cardiovascular system.

What is maladaptive guilt? ›

Maladaptive guilt: Sometimes people feel guilty about things that weren't within their control. For example, they may feel guilty that they didn't take action to prevent something that they had no way of predicting.

What is an overdeveloped sense of guilt? ›

Constant feelings of guilt can be due to many factors. You may have been raised in a household where relaxing was considered to be a lazy behavior. You may be from a culture or religious tradition that doesn't value relaxation. You may have general feelings of anxiety that contribute to excessive feelings of guilt.

Why do I feel bad when I do nothing all day? ›

It's called productivity guilt. This is basically a feeling of guilt about not meeting your expectations, resulting in you increasing the amount of work you do to meet these nonexistent (and frankly unrealistic) expectations of hyper-productivity and to avoid seeming to be doing nothing.

Why can't I stop feeling guilty? ›

Guilt is often a mask for other feelings, like inadequacy, low self-esteem or even jealousy or resentment. It can also be a product of our limiting beliefs: If you often feel unnecessary guilt, you may believe you don't deserve to be happy – that you are a bad person, rather than someone who made a mistake.

Where is guilt trapped in the body? ›

Body and Mind

The positive emotions of gratefulness and togetherness and the negative emotions of guilt and despair all looked remarkably similar, with feelings mapped primarily in the heart, followed by the head and stomach. Mania and exhaustion, another two opposing emotions, were both felt all over the body.

What hormone causes guilt? ›

Guilt and the Challenge Response

Like other fear responses, the Challenge Response releases stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) in order to get us going. But it also releases oxytocin, which soothes us and motivates us to connect with others, and DHEA, which helps the brain learn from the situation (5).

What is at the root of guilt? ›

Some of the more common causes of excessive guilt include: Mental health conditions: Excessive guilt is a symptom of several mental health conditions, including obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression. Similarly, people with anxiety tend to reevaluate past behaviors, which can lead to a guilty feeling.

Is there a medication that helps with guilt? ›

There is no such pill, but placebos exist – and are known to work for many things. So, can feelings of guilt also be treated with placebos? Researchers at the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Basel have now looked into this, and the results are surprising.

What trauma causes guilt? ›

Moral Injury and PTSD

Both begin with an event that is often life threatening or harmful to self or others. Guilt and shame are core features of moral injury and are also symptoms of PTSD.

What childhood trauma causes guilt? ›

Children who feel unsafe or unsupported may grow up feeling guilty for a variety of issues, including their values, desires, behaviors, and thoughts. They may assume that something is profoundly wrong with them. This is particularly true if they grew up in a dysfunctional family or had punitive caregivers.

What does crippling guilt feel like? ›

Signs and symptoms of living with guilt

Signs guilt is weighing you down may include feeling unworthy, being paralyzed by the past, having unresolved issues, struggling to forgive yourself, acting defensive and distant, and feeling afraid of trying again.

How does someone act when they are guilty? ›

One of the most obvious body language cues that indicate guilt is avoiding eye contact. When someone feels guilty, they may look away, blink frequently, or rub their eyes to avoid facing the person they have wronged.

What is pseudo guilt? ›

This primitive form of feeling, often labelled guilt, is a defense. against a self-perception of unconditional badness. Pseudo-guilt. emanates from an undeveloped or immature intrapsychic structure.

Is feeling guilty when relaxing normal? ›

Feeling guilty while trying to relax is extremely common, but it's not necessary — nor is it healthy. To learn to enjoy your deserved breaks, there are several things you can do.

Why do I get anxious when I try to relax? ›

This relaxation induced distress is referred to as paradoxical anxiety. The explanation for why paradoxical anxiety happens is uncertain, but there are a few ideas in the literature about why it occurs. Some people are simply afraid of “losing control” while practicing relaxation and doing something inappropriate.

Why do I feel guilty for enjoying myself? ›

At its core, pleasure guilt is a conflict between our desire to have fun and our sense of responsibility. We know that we have obligations and responsibilities, and when we indulge in pleasure, we feel like we're neglecting them.

What is relaxation-induced anxiety? ›

Relaxation induced anxiety (RIA) is a paradoxical phenomenon wherein people experience a spike in their anxiety during relaxation training.

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